whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
