Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
