I faked an abortion last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
