So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I forgot wine drunk hurts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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