The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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