you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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