I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
