So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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