This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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