Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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