the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
