i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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