I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
