Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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