just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
