Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
