I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
