After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
