I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
