the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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