you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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