I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
