When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
