she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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