...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
