So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
