i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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