yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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