dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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