I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
