just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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