A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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