Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.