this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.