when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize