I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question