I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.