genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.