You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure