So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize