I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
