So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
