Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God, I missed his penis.
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