Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
