i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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