Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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