I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
