I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
false alarm, still single
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