Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
