So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
