I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
