i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
