True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
