He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
