god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
