New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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