with your own penis?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
