Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
