I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
