Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
