Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
