Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
