I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
