I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
