Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
