I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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