Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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